Another day of thoughts

So I was thinking about life and death a little bit today.  About the difference in people when they are in good health and when things go a bit awry.  It's difficult to watch that transformation sometimes.  Seeing a young healthy person, begin to age and kinda start to fall apart a little.  It's something that is both hard on the person going through it and those surrounding and supporting the person.  So that go me to thinking, if you had a choice would you rather not know the person before they became ill, or would you still want to know them from the get go.  Would the memories of what was be too painful to live with, causing you to just choose to only have known them from the time when they began to get sick.  It's of course not a choice one really has, but hypathetically of course, what would you choose.  As painful as it to be around someone and watch them transition, I would still choose to have the memories.  I think it's also about learning to appreciate what that person is going to become.  It's also to live in the here and now and not dwell on the past.  The past is gone and crying for it, won't make past, present.  So alot of it is just picking up and moving forward.  It's really a hard thing to do.  It's like a death in a way, I guess.  A death of what was, as opposed to losing a person.  Deep I know.  Hee,hee.  That's what happens when I get to thinking too deeply as I clean house.  Scary stuff happens when I get all thoughtful!  Let's see, on a new subject, we are still going on the potty training.  It's coming slowly, Julia knows and understands what the stickers are for and about.  It's just catching her at the right time.  Not too early or too late.  If she says she needs to go, she means right now.  So having a healthy sense of urgency to get her in there and get her pull up down is always important! She is trying really hard and so am I.  I am really discovering it's all about consistancy and patience.  I want it to be a fun thing, not a chore.  So far so good most of the time.  She is such a smart little cookie.  She is starting to learn what it feels like to need to go, I think.  She will sometimes grab her pull up and then I know I need to run her in there.  At times though, it's already too late.  So you just have to get a new pull up and start again.  I really want to try to help her be successful.  So far I think for not yet being two, that she is doing awesome!  She is definately feeling her oats and independance now.  She likes to get out of the cart and walk in the store now.  She runs up and down the isles making noise, walking up to random people saying hi.  She loves other kids.  She is becoming quite social.  It's awesome to watach the changes she is going through.  She is so much fun.  She is learning to say please and thank you.  We went to the play ground of dreams in tri cities with my parents and my sister and her kids about two weeks ago.  It was so much fun.  My sister, Sarah, rode up with me.  We got a chance to really talk and laugh, something it seems like we haven't had so much of lately.  I miss her so much sometimes.  We were always together growing up.  We were each others best friends. We still are, but it's different because we are both married and parents now.  It definately changes the way things are, but I will always have her as a sister and a friend.  That is awesome to me.  Seeing Julia play with her cousins Lexi and Annie was really great.  She loves to play with other kids. It's awesome to see the little person she is growing into.  It will for sure, be a really cool journey to see her grow up.  A challenging one yes, but a fun one though!  Well I think this will about do it!

My Big girl!

Well it has been quite a week for us around here.  Life has been moving pretty fast.  I finally got all my dental work done on thursday of last week.  I was at the dentist office for 7 hours!! They pulled two teeth and did a ton of work.  I am still feeling a bit sore so tomorrow I am going to dentist office to pick up something called socket. Its a topical medication for my mouth.  Hopefully it will make it all feel a little better.  I actually get to go to town by myself!!  That is something I haven't done in a llloonnngg time.  So I am excited about that! I am also going to go by the dollar store and pick up stuff to make Julia a potty chart.  She has been doing awesome!! She even pooped in the potty today.  She only had like 3 accidents today.  She is such a big girl now.  So proud of her.  So we are getting a chart to record her success.  I am so proud of how far she has come in the last few weeks.  She talks alot now and even says please and thank you.  She is doing really well.  It's like she suddenly decided to take off and just advance and grow up.  I don't even know what the switch moment was.  But today was really awesome! Almost no diaper changes and no poopey diaper changes.  Love it!! It's a whole new world for me.  It takes alot of time to potty train but it is so worth it.  Julia and I have just connected even more lately.  I spend alot of time just talking to her and she really seems to understand me.  My days go by pretty fast anymore!  Today I was able to clean one of the bathrooms and sweep and mop and do alot of other stuff.  So I feel so good about that.  I hadn't been able to mop in like 3 days.  The dust storms really set me back.  When the wind blows like that if you mop it just makes a muddy mess.  There is no point.  I won't miss that aspect of things when we move to Ephrata.  I also think I may have found a church to try out in Ephrata.  It's a four square church so I am hoping that it is close enough to a penticostal to feel like home.  I really want to start going back to church.  It feels like it has been forever since I have been.  I need to find one that is right for me where I can feel comfortable and at home.  Will be praying about that for the next few weeks.  Julia and I should be going down to stay at mom and dads for a few days on thursday night.  I am excited about that.  I think a little alone time for Shane will be good.  I think he can use it.  He was really tired tonight and went to bed even before Julia.  He is going to try to do a ton of homework tomorrow.  Then on Thursday we are going to hopefully be able to go to the Fockens and clean out the garage and take a load of stuff over.  Its crazy that we are moving in like 5 weeks.  It scares me to be totally honest.  But makes me happy too.  Another chapter and new start! lol.  Well I suppose I will just shut this down for now, Amish:Out of Order is on!

A quieter day and night

Well we had a much quieter night last night.  We have Jacob sleep at his house instead of ours.  It's much better cause I don't have to hear him and neither does Shane.  Today he spent alot of his day outside.  He is a alot quieter today.  Maybe his trouble was not being used to us. I don't know.  But he doesn't pee so bad when I pick him up now.  This morning he peed all over me.  Hopefully he will do better now.  I just want him to be normal.  I will let him stay out doors tomorrow as well.  I am really happy about life in general today.  Julia is walking and talking so much now.  She learns new words all the time.  She said at least 3 new ones today.  I am so proud of her for how fast she is advancing now.  She is becoming such a little miss now.  I am hoping to start packing tomorrow.  Shane let Janice know that we will be leaving August 1.  That will give us enough time to slowly move our stuff over to the other place.  We won't have to rush now.  I am going to clean as I go, to make it simpler.  Chuck knows someone who cleans houses, so I think we are going to try and contact her to do the final clean up.  I hope it will be simple to move and not be to crazy.  Having over a month to pack and at least two weekends to move should make it much easier for us.  Shane said we would do a pizza party for those that come to help us.  I am hoping not to have to ask our parents, as none of them are really in the condition to help.  I am sorry for going off on this little banter, it's probly a really boring read.  But this it the stuff going on my mind, people.  We are watching The Village.  It's kind of a messed up movie but Shane likes it.  It's just one of those movies that kinda screw with your mind.  The first time I saw it I was kinda in shock.  But it's a movie, so there you go.  I am in the process of re-reading the Harry Potter Series.  It's a series I hope to be able to read to Julia some day.  But most likely when she is old enough to be able to understand it, she will want to read it herself.  So I think I will stick with The Little house books, Stewart Little, Charlotte's Webb and the like.  More small child appropriate when she is ready.  I love reading to her.  It's just when she wants to hear the same books over and over.  I read her one about colors today, it was one we hadn't read yet.  She enjoyed it, I think.  I am really working on colors with her.  She is so smart and a quick learner, so I don't think it will take long.  I am hoping to have her completely ready for preschool when she turns 3.  If I am able I want to have her completely potty trained, colors down, numbers, and letters too.  I am hoping that by working with her in a way that makes it fun, will help encourage her.  Basically I just want to give her the best chance possible.  I love her so much, I often wonder how much things will change for her and I when we have a second child.  I don't want her to some how feel that she is second best or being shunted to the side.  So I suppose we will have to be really careful how we handle things.  I know people have been adding second children to there families for years, but I still have apprehension.  I just don't want to hurt Julia.  How do you balance out your time and affection with two children?  How do you make sure everyone is taken care of ?  I am just a little nervous. And what am I going to do when I am pregnant and tired?  How will I keep up with Julia, she is walking now and a really busy child.  I am excited at the prospect of expanding our family again, but I am scared and nervous too.  I think I would be a fool if I wasn't nervous.  I mean how to be all calm and fine with a major life changeing thing.  Well I suppose I will turn this off for now.  Night all.

My Big Girl and babysitting the beast dog!

So I realize that the title of this is a little strannge.  But the reason is that it's what is on my mind. My daughter Julia is now full time walking, and if not then close enough to it.  She still enjoys crawling at times, but she is a walker now.  She will even walk in the store for us, in fact she prefers to walk.  Through this I have learned that not only am I horribly out of shape, my daughter is a sneaky little stinker.  She is still one of the best behaved kids around, but she likes to push the boundaries of what she can do.  She will look right at me and do it anyway when I have told her no!!  What a little turd! She is learning alot more what she wants and doesn't want.  At the store today, we were buying her a toy.  We would hand her different ones in turn and she would shake her head no if she didn't like it.  So funny! We ended up with a little people tub toy, and finally a turtle tub toy holder.  Hers over flow the basket, she has a few tubbies!  She looked at some baseballs and said "ball", but she already had a toy, so no go of course.  She kept trying to say that the toy was broken, because the water wheel moves on the toy.  So I had to explain that it is supposed to turn just like the big one on her water table.  She seemed to accept that as a viable explanation.  Then she kept pointing at the pictures of the bubbles on the box and telling me "bubbles"!  She loves bubbles!  When she grew tired of us waiting to be helped at the sporting goods counter, she told me "bye bye"!  Meaning she was wanting to get on the move.  It's amazing how much she learns and changes each day.  I am so proud of her, I just can't believe she is walking now.  What am I going to do, she is growing so fast.  Well if all goes well then hopefully soon we can beging trying for our second child.  I hope we can, I feel that I am really ready now.  So now on to the other subject in my blog, the beast dog!  A small red wiener dog that we are watching for our nieghbors and really good friends Chuck and Erick, while they are on a vacay in D.C..  He has to either be in his big crate or his bed crate when he is inside, unless you are watching him like a hawk.  He pees and poops with out warning.  He is also an excited or scared pee'er like Joey.  His name is Jacob, but I prefer to call him Devil Dog or The Beast.  Or other names that perhaps I won't mention here.  He whines and cries alot.  And he feels it's perfectly fine to begin barking and howling at 5 a.m.  I wanted to kill him this morning.  But we gave him a raw hide chewy tonight and he has been silent ever since.  Hopefully this is the trick.  Cause I have him till Friday.  But he is chubby little butter ball.  If he would sit still long enough I would love to let him snuggle on my lap.  But he is a busy little dog.  I even gave him a bath tonight.  It's a little harder to do him then it is Joey.  Jo is smaller and easier to handle.  But I did get the job done.  So back to Julia for a second, tonight is her second night with out a binkie!  We kinda had to break her of it cause she only had one left and it has a little hole in it now and I can't let her have it.  So she just had to be broke of it cold turkey.  She has done great!  I am so proud of her.  So let's see now what.  Well I am doing my best to keep things picked up and cleaned up around my house cause we are moving next month.  I am actually quite happy to leaveing this house, but I hate moving and I hate packing. The new place belongs to our friends the Fockens, Darrin took a job in Chicago so they needed to rent out their house.  We as luck would have it were looking for somewhere to go.  This house is ok, but there is no storage really, and our landlord is always here.  I mean always!  She is really irritating.  She goes around on her little tractor and fluffs all the loose dirt around the property.  So there is no top soil left because we live in a very windy place.  The dirt and dust comes into the house and I hate it.  I can never seem to get the place as clean as I would like because of her.  Her dog Blackie, comes with her when she comes.  It would be fine except she lets him run loose and he terrorizes the property.  He chases all the birds, digs holes, and antagonizes the other dogs.  Ugh, what a pain in the butt dog.  So anyway, our new place has a garage for Shane to work in and a place to store our out door stuff.  Also the master suite is really good size and even has a soaker tub!  A huge selling point for me.  A separate laundry room, and lots of closet space.  I am hoping that this is a change for the better.  I will really miss Victoria and boys, but it's a good change for them.  They will be closer to their families.  Right now that is really important. Well I think I have made this blog long enough for now.

Thoughts of Randomness

Well here we are, preparing to close another day.  I am sitting here blogging while my dinner digests!  Husband is doing homework, and daughter is watching Caillou.  It's one of those nights where I have a feeling I may be up late.  I hope not, cause I am wanting to get up and shower before Julia wakes up.  We will see.  I am supposed to go for a play date at a friend of my friend Victoria's.  Hoping to meet other moms in the area.  I want to make some more friends.  I have lived here for over a year and I only have like two people who I can really call friends. I have other women that I have hung out a little with, but none that I feel are really friends.  I don't make friends easily, it's always been that way for me.  I just wish it was simpler for me to meet people.  I tend to get all nervous in social situations.  I do alot better in smaller gatherings.  I guess it's mostly left over from my past, never feeling like I was as good as others, or as deserving.  Or whatever, either way it's just more stuff I have to work through.  Why do we bring baggage into our adult life, from our childhood?  I wish I didn't do that, but I do!  I am hoping so much that my own children don't have to go through that.  I want them to make friends and always be able to be true to themselves.  I just want happiness for my kids, and the ability to lift those around them up!  I want my kids to be positive people.  When they become adults, I hope they will make better choices on some things then I have.  I hope they won't put themselves into some of the situations I have.  I hope they can have hearts for the Lord and always know without question that he is watching over them and walking with them each day.  I just want to set a really good example for them.  Well looks like I have gone off course, yet again.  I try really hard to stay with one thought and ride it till it's over.  But I always jump around. Oh well.  I have so many projects I want to get done.  I need to clean up our bedroom again, well, we need to clean it.  I also want to better organize some of our shelves in the kitchen.  AAWWW.... the work of a wife/mom is never done.  But I wouldn't trade it for anything.  I just love being a mom and a wife, so much.  I have baby fever again really bad.  I am so glad that we are going to be trying for another one soon.  It will be my last one, so hopefully it will be a easy pregnancy for me.  Well I think I am done with my blog for now.

hhmmm... Why do I have to repeat the same lessons?

So I have been thinking a bit about things today.  I don't know why I have to learn the same lessons over and over again.  God has to put the same things on my heart over and over sometimes, before I can seem to figure it out.  I don't even know if I have it figured out yet.  But something I am sure of is this.  I can be really mean spirited with and with out realizing it.  I say things so many times and don't realize how horrible it sounded till later.  I can tear people down in an instant.  Why do I do that?  Why do I feel the need to be negative sometimes? Why does this happen to me?  I really want to be someone who is positive and truly good.  But at times I just find myself falling into that old way of acting, ugh, I hate that.  I was treated so ugly by people in school as a child, so I know how it feels.  Why would I do that?  I usually don't mean to be that way, but I am.  I want so much to be a person who people want to be around, and at times I am.  But every now and again, I just hit this little place in myself.  I am thinking that this is something I am going to need to do some more thinking and praying on.  All of that being said, I am not always negative or ugly.  I can be quite bubbly, well maybe not bubbly.  But a generally happy person none the less.  I do try to find the humor in life, and I do try to give good healthy advice to others.  At times though, I think people just need to hear it like it is.  It's far easier to be very honest then to beat around the bush.  But one must remember to respect the feelings of others too. It's a fine line you walk when you have others in your life.  Perhaps I should go live as a hermit for a while.  maybe then I could get through a week with out offending someone.  I just wish I could be like some of the people I know, and always be lifting people up.  I guess I will just have to try to work harder at it.  Being in a thinking mood is always interesting. 

On another subject I am feeling happy tonight.  I managed to get my little dog Joey to take his meds with out a fight.  He didnt find the pill hidden in the hot dog so I am happy about that.  Hopefully he won't wise up before he takes the other 9 pills.  He is such a funny little dog.  I just hope the pills will calm his stomach down, and help him.  He irritates me beyond belief at times, but I love him so much!  Lately he has been stuck like glue to me.  If I go to the bathroom he follows me.  The cat does too, and Julia sits out side the bathroom cries and bangs on the door.  So going pee is a fabulous event.  My little Julia girl is starting to walk alot more.  Give her another month and she will hopefully be walking full time.  I want her to be, but she is a stubborn girl and definately has her own mind about everything.  She will be doing really good on something and then just suddenly stop!  Why?  UGH!! So we are learning together.  It takes time to accomplish everything.  And it takes more time for her to decide she wants to do something.  But I love her so much, and her daddy loves her so much.  She is a very blessed little girl!  There is almost no one in her life who isn't totally in love with her.  Or who does't just want to see her and see how she is doing.  So happy about that, and for how good of a girl she is.  She definately likes to test her boundaries, but in the end she always comes back to where she needs to be.  I love her for that, and the fact that she is so independant.  It makes my life so fun, because I can actually relate to her on some level.  She is learning how to communicate alot more clearly.  It makes things easier and more interesting.  She is a little parrot so you really have to watch what you say and do.  Well I think I will close tonights blog on this note:  As humans we all have to be able to be our best critic and alli.

It's Just me again

Well tonight it's just me awake.  My hubby passed out right after supper, God love him.  My Julia stayed up a little late to watch Berenstien Bears, then I put her to bed.  So it's just me sitting up watching Duck Dynasty on t.v..  I will probly head for bed myself soon.  But I like having a few hours to myself in the evenings.  It's good for the mommy soul to take some time for herself.  Being a Wife and Mommy is great, but it does get a little exhausting sometimes too.  When everyone in your house(pets included) seems to need you for something.  Today when I went to the restroom I could hear my daughter fussing and banging on the door.  When I came out there was our dog, our cat, and our child lined up waiting for me!  Even in the bathroom, I get no peace.  Oh well I guess, what are you gonna do.  How often as a mom do you find your self closing your eyes for a second to think before you react?  Either because you are trying not to laugh, or scream at whatever your child is doing.  That is me, usually cause I am trying not laugh.  I swear she does these little faces when she is in trouble,  just meant to make me lose my angry face.  She is joy to me, she really is.  I do my best to give everyone the time they need with me.  Sometimes I feel like I am being spread very thin.  Tomorrow I want to make banana bread, or cookies.  I think it would be a fun treat for my hubby.  It's supposed to be cool out tomorrow again, so I can bake with out making my house too hot to tolerate.  I have been wanting sweets, so I think I will enjoy them too.  Well this one is a bit shorter, but its bed time now I think. Night all!